SLAM! “That’s a dollar.”

SLAM! “That’s another dollar.”

SLAM! SLAM! SLAM! “Three… four… five dollars.”

 

In our house, slamming a door costs you one dollar.

Did we ever think we’d need such a rule? Did we know if it would even work? Was it a strong enough motivator?

No instruction manual came with our kids. We just knew we wanted to disciple them to follow Jesus. But how does that work when their hearts seem walled off to any instruction?

 

When Strength Becomes Stubbornness

Several years ago, one of my sons wanted to buy a Nintendo Switch. So, he saved for a year and a half to earn the $400 he needed. He worked so hard to reach his goal. Unfortunately, that same determination that helped him save money also showed up in other ways.

Not long after buying that long-awaited game system, he got upset with my wife over some instruction she gave. With all his preteen might, he stormed off and began slamming his bedroom door. Again. And again. And again.

 

SLAM! “That’s a dollar.”

SLAM! “That’s another dollar.”

SLAM! SLAM! SLAM! “Three… four… five dollars.”

 

He kept slamming. She kept counting.

SLAM! “Sixteen.” SLAM! “Seventeen.” SLAM! “Eighteen.” SLAM! “Nineteen.” SLAM! “Twenty.”

The same strong heart that will one day help him stand firm in a broken world was, in that moment, resisting his mother’s wise and loving instruction. His God-given strength was being used sinfully in defiance—but our calling as parents is to direct that strength toward declaring God’s goodness.

Parenting is not easy. It’s the toughest job you’ll ever love.

 

Four Hundred Door Slams Later…

He kept slamming. She kept counting.

SLAM! “Forty-two.” SLAM! “Forty-three.” SLAM! “Forty-four.” SLAM! “Forty-five.” SLAM! “Forty-six.”

Eventually, as his body tired and pride began to melt, the slams finally stopped. But the damage was done—and the consequence was set.

Four hundred door slams later (yes, you read that right), he owed us $400. Since he didn’t have $400 to pay, we had to take his new Nintendo Switch as collateral until the debt was repaid.

It was painful—for him and for me. I knew how hard he had worked to earn that console. But I had to take it. He needed to learn.

It took another year and a half for him to earn enough to buy it back.

 

The Father’s Model of Discipline

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”
— Hebrews 12:11 (NIV)

As parents, we have the sacred responsibility of partnering with our Creator in shaping one of His precious children.

To do this well, we must learn from our Heavenly Father—who is loving, compassionate, and full of grace, yet also just, holy, and committed to righteous discipline. Doing all these things well is incredibly difficult—if not impossible—apart from Him.

 

Lean In — To God and to Others

Parents, draw close to your Father. He understands your parenting woes. He has children in every situation imaginable. He knows your hurts, your pain, and your joys. Lean into His wisdom and His love.

Also, lean into other Christian parents who are discipling their children toward Jesus. Some of our best friends are the ones who walk beside us through our parenting struggles. It’s deeply comforting to have friends who understand your heartache for your kids—and who encourage you to stay hopeful, trusting the Savior to shape your children’s lives.

 

Building a Faith-Filled Parenting Community

As a faith community, we should listen to parents who’ve gone before us and support those coming after us.

Take the parenting workshops at church.

Talk about these challenges in your small group.

Encourage each other when it feels like you have no clue what to do next.

Make discipling your children a priority—even when it’s messy, confusing, and hard.

Our Father knows.

And He wants to show us His ways.