Last month in my enews, I answered some questions I had been asked. In my role as Pastor, I get questions regarding lots of different subjects directed at both biblical and life issues. I thought this month I’d answer another question I’ve been asked recently by someone trying to understand the Gospel.  

The question…If believing in Jesus means I repent of my sin, how do I know if I am truly repenting or not?  

My answer…Have you ever had anyone do something to hurt you, then apologize, but a day or two later they seem to intentionally do the same thing to you once more? At that point you have to wonder if they were truly sorry or not…right!!?? They may not say what they’re sorry for but just say I’m sorry. It makes you wonder - are they truly repentant? Now with God, we often say it’s about direction not perfection - which is true. We can likely never expect we’ll live perfectly before God in this life. But if our heart is truly seeking, truly repentant, there’s some evidence of that fact in how we live.  

Let’s consider some aspects of true repentance to understand what it means. I’ve had a lot of experience dealing with unrepentant people, and because of my faith in Jesus and my love for His Word through the years, I’ve gained some practical wisdom on the subject. I’ve turned to the Bible for guidance when distinguishing real from fake repentance. There are those who are stubborn and refuse to apologize; there are liars who claim to be sorry when they’re not; there are people who may truly believe they’re sorry yet lack sympathy or understanding of biblical repentance. What are the attributes of genuine repentance? Here are some signs I’ve gleaned, from life and from God’s Word.

A Repentant Person Is Appalled by Sin. Horrified by what they’ve done, they’ll humble themselves, grieve the pain they’ve caused, and be cut to the heart in their conviction. Isaiah mourned as he wrote in Isaiah 6:5 Woe to me! I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips. Step one is to see our sin for what it really is: a horrifying affront to a Holy God.  

A Repentant Person Makes Amends. Luke 19:1-10 tells the story of Zacchaeus and the generosity he demonstrated as part of his repentance. A tax collector, thief, and oppressor of God’s people, Zacchaeus made amends: Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor. And if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount. Jesus confirmed the authenticity of Zacchaeus’s repentance: Today salvation has come to this house. Based on the specific circumstances, the willingness to make amends for our sin is clear evidence of true repentance.  

A Repentant Person Accepts Consequences. A genuinely repentant person will accept the consequences. These may include losing the trust of others, relinquishing a position of authority, or submitting to worldly authorities such as law enforcement. In Luke 23:40-41 when the thief on the cross repented, he said to his companion, do you not fear God? . . . We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. Jesus commended the thief’s repentance by assuring him of his salvation as He replied Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in paradise. The thief didn’t try to explain himself, defend himself, or put the blame on someone else. Through his words, we hear him say, yes, I did it, I’m guilty, I deserve my punishment, I accept the result. Accepting the blame is a sign of true repentance.  

A Repentant Person Doesn’t Expect or Demand Forgiveness. An unrepentant heart will believe and often demand forgiveness. If they’ve offended someone they might say “If you don’t forgive me, God won’t forgive you.” This threatening posture indicates insincere repentance; if we expect forgiveness upon demand, it implies we don’t accept or comprehend the gravity of what we’ve done. When Jacob approached Esau and repented, he didn’t expect mercy, let alone compassion. Genesis 32 says he felt “great fear” and “distress”; he was anticipating an attack. He considered himself unworthy of kindness. So certain was Jacob of retribution that he separated his wives, children, and servants from him, lest Esau’s anger fall on them too. When we are truly repentant, we see our sin as horrible; we do not believe we deserve forgiveness.  

A Repentant Person Feels the Depth of the Pain They’ve Caused. A truly repentant person won’t try to minimize, downplay, or excuse what they’ve done. They won’t point to all their good works as if those actions somehow outweigh or cancel out the bad. They’ll view even their goodness as Isaiah 64:6 says - as filthy rags! They won’t shame the offended party for being hurt or angry. They won’t blame their victims or other people for making them sin. Rather, they’ll take responsibility, acknowledge the damage they’ve done, and express remorse.  

A Repentant Person Will Work to Change Their Behavior. A truly repentant person will realize they need God to sanctify their heart. They’ll proactively work to change their behavior and take steps to avoid sin and temptation. Consider the stark contrast between the church persecutor Saul before salvation and after. In Acts 9 we read of how that even though some Christians were understandably hesitant to trust him, Paul’s character had already altered dramatically. True repentance shows up in the desire to change.  

A Repentant Person is Awestruck by Forgiveness. If a person feels entitled to forgiveness, they don’t value forgiveness. When Jacob received Esau’s forgiveness, he was so astounded he wept. We see in Genesis 30:10 he says to see your face is like seeing the face of God, for you have received me favorably. Jacob realized that forgiveness is a divine miracle, a picture of the Messiah, and a sign of the Lord’s mercy. Though Jacob and Esau hadn’t spoken for 40 years, Jacob knew God had enabled Esau, by grace, to forgive him. When we receive forgiveness as the result of true repentance, we know joy and hope like we’ve never known before!   

When these signs of repentance are authentically present, we’re blessed, God is glorified, we have life and joy. The primary issue with forgiveness is the heart. If our heart is truly repentant, over time, these signs will be evident. I may not live perfectly before God, but my heart will be bent toward living in a repentant state.  

By grace we are saved through faith, and that’s not by any work we perform. Seek Jesus, His love, His work at the cross and the empty tomb; live with a repentant spirit. God will take it from there!