I recently caught my 6yr old sneaking downstairs to gobble up sweets before I woke up in the morning. I discovered this truth when I found a family-sized bag of cake pops completely empty. When I confronted him, he realized there was no way out, so he confessed, but with no visible remorse. Unfortunately, this wasn't the first time I had caught him sneaking things he wasn't supposed to have.

As I looked down on my beloved son, blinking up at me with his bold, blue eyes, I could see that he was only sorry that he had been caught. He was not repentant for what he did. At all. In fact, he said so in so many words…that he would do it again…because those cake pops were so good…and it was just too bad I had caught him.

Being his mother, there is nothing he could ever do or say that could make me love him any more or less. I adore him from his sweaty little head to his grass-stained toes. But he had broken my trust. So, what should I do?

Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation? Maybe it's not your cheeky little boy. Perhaps it's a spouse, a friend, a coworker, a grown child, or a parent. Perhaps the story is not so cute as a little boy with forbidden cake crumbs on his collar. Maybe instead it's a wound cut deep into your heart from repetitive betrayal, lies, gossip, Unrepaid borrowing, or abuse (physical, verbal, or emotional). It's a cycle. This person breaks your trust. You call them out on it. They apologize and say they'll never do it again. They beg forgiveness. Then, after a period, you're back to the vicious cycle. As a Christian, what should you do?

What does the Bible have to say about forgiveness and cycles of betrayal? Didn't Jesus say that we are to forgive 70x7 times no matter what? Didn't God forgive the Israelites dozens of times while they cycled in their backsliding and idolatry? So, does God expect us to just forgive and forget and let that person keep hurting us?

Look at the context around what Jesus is saying when He says to forgive 70x7 times. This verse comes from Matthew 18. This whole chapter is filled with Jesus' teaching about how actions (good or bad) lead to consequences.

So, now we have Peter's question about forgiveness:

"Then Peter came up and said to him, 'Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?' Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times" (ESV, Matt. 18. 21-22).

Then, Jesus goes on to tell the story of a servant who owed his master an incredible debt. The consequence for such a debt was debtor's prison and enslavement for his family. Yet, the master chose to forgive him. However, that same day, the servant found a fellow servant who owed him a much smaller amount, demanded immediate repayment, and threw the poor man into prison for being unable to pay. The master found out what the ungrateful servant had done and reversed his decision, tossing the servant into debtor's prison to be tortured until he could repay every coin of what was owed. (ESV, Matt. 8. 23-35).

The lesson for Jesus' listeners? God has forgiven you of eternal consequences. He has wiped your slate clean. So, when someone wrongs you, extend forgiveness. Forgive because you have been forgiven.

A fourth century church father said that holding on to bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. It has a bitter taste, and it burns all the way down. We think we are holding something over that other person by refusing to forgive them, but we are the ones harmed the most. The moment someone wrongs you, there is bonding that connects that person to you. You mentally drag them around with you everywhere you go. When you choose to forgive them, whether they ask for it or not, you have finally broken that enslaving bond. You are finally freed from that person. Lay the offense at Jesus' feet and let him dole out the judgment.

But, what about boundaries? Actions have consequences (See Matthew 18).

Forgiving someone and releasing yourself from the power of bitterness is different than immediately trusting that person again. Trust is built brick by brick, but is shattered in a single moment. It takes even longer to rebuild.

So, back to me standing over my son, caught red-handed with his early morning sneakery…

I forgave him completely. I sought to immediately restore that relationship. I did not withhold my love or forgiveness. But could I trust him to be downstairs when I was not? Could I leave a batch of cookies unattended on the counter? Umm....that's a no. Unfortunately, he had shown me that for now, I can't trust him in situations like these. So, I laid out the consequences of his choices with new restrictions until he could rebuild that trust…Deep sigh. It was only 7:30am.

What about you? Has someone wronged you deeply and you're holding on to that wrong, hoping that somehow by holding it, you are punishing that person and that they will "get theirs?" Or, is there a person who has repeatedly hurt you? You continue to forgive and allow them back into your heart and trust only to get hurt again.

To the first question, I challenge you to cut the chain. Choose forgiveness, like your Heavenly Father did when He forgave you. Release the judgment into God's hands and finally be free of it. Feel the weight fall from your shoulders.

To the second question, I affirm you for extending forgiveness so many times. That is so hard. Yet, I admonish you to consider setting a boundary with this person. Ask God to give you wisdom for how to do this in a biblical way based on the nature of the situation. Seek Godly council. A great book on this point is called Boundaries, by Henry Cloud. This is not Scripture, but it is biblical wisdom for how to set wise boundaries while also being a loving Jesus follower.

So, forgive and forget? Yes, but that does not negate wise boundaries that we put in place to protect our hearts.